A Great Secret I’d like to share!

The other day someone asked me for more information on my FIDO Philosophy, and as I was deciding exactly what to send on the subject, I was given (unfortunately) a great example.

I planned a camping trip this past weekend, got up early with car packed with gear, and headed to a spot my GPS said was slightly over two hours. Three and a half hours later I arrived at the ugliest camp site I’ve ever seen, with no shade. With temperatures soaring around 96 degrees at the time it seemed like a poor choice of places to pitch a tent. One of my dogs refused to even get out of the car (he was no fool) and so I reluctantly turned around and drove three and a half hours the other way and got lost in the process. And in case the dismal camp site wasn’t motivation enough to turn around, the park ranger confided that his replacement hadn’t shown up, he had been there four days and was leaving. No other campers were expected so it would just be me camping on a few thousand acres. I asked if there were any wild animals and he said only mountain lions and wild boars, but not to worry.

And my point?

At first I ruminated over how I could possibly have failed to realize the type of location I had selected, how I had wasted most of a Saturday and a tank of gas. Eventually I reminded myself of the FIDO Philosophy and how incredibly useful it can be, and that’s when my weekend began to change. FIDO originated with a Vietnam vet who had to get over serious physical and mental wounds; the vet came up with the acronym that stands for Forget It and Drive On. You can also substitute the word Forgive. Either way, it’s realizing the futility in holding onto any emotion we don’t want, even for a second, let alone an hour or day (and there are some whose hobby it is to hold onto aggravation for a lifetime).

If the concept of letting go seems impossible, here are some useful thoughts.

First, how many reading this right now have all the energy you want and need? How many would like some additional energy? Energy is the first thing that goes when we are stuck in any negative emotion, and look how it can sap our vitality, not to mention make us feel miserable; so shifting gears is hugely important.

Second, from an intellectual perspective, what would be the point of focusing on what we don’t want, in order to get more of it? Focusing on the negative, instead of letting it go, is creating our future exactly like we don’t want it, and dwelling in the negative emotion will only extend and more deeply entrench the feeling. Since minute by minute we are creating our reality by what we are thinking, why in the world are we choosing to hold onto anything negative?

Focusing on feeling good, knowing you will create more of what you want just by focusing on it, is a powerful idea. And if you doubt for one minute that this works, remember back to a day that started off badly. If you kept focusing on how bad things were, they just kept getting worse. It snowballed. And if you began a day feeling fabulous, everything seemed to work, often even better than you had imagined.

Choose how you want to feel today (relaxed, confident, optimistic, etc.) and then focus on creating that emotion by going back to a time when that feeling was strong. Use your imagination and expect to feel and get what you want. Those who live only in the present reality have no vision, no ability to instigate change.

What you’ll start to get is the kind of day you want, even if logically it doesn’t seem possible. Focus on the reality that’s in front of your face and you’re going to attract a lot more of it. A better idea would be to focus on the reality you want, with feeling. Great minds have been doing this for centuries, with some amazing results.

As for me, I started listening to uplifting CD’s as I drove all those miles, focused on how much I had to be appreciative of (the list is endless) and called some friends. Later I went to a beautiful park close to my home and let my dogs cool off in a lush, green environment. I planned a future camping trip in an area I knew was wonderful. It was my choice to choose happiness and joy in that moment. Remember, no matter what the circumstance or what’s going on in your life right this minute, misery is optional, and there are wonderful choices instead. This mentality will make all the difference in your success, and that’s a pretty good secret to share. Don’t you agree? I would love to hear your comments!

 

What You Think is What You Get! How Exciting!

It’s been said we can’t outperform faulty thinking; no amount of training, reading or studying will suffice if our thinking, our internal dialogue is challenged. What we believe, what we expect and what we focus on will ultimately decide if we’ll be living the lives we want—joyous in whatever capacity matters to us—or living lives of frustration, trying to figure out what we need to change to make things better.

So here’s a very brief exercise: Imagine something you would like, starting with something that you can really see happening right away.

Once you have the image clearly in mind then imagine how it feels to have this thing you’re focusing on, really ramp up the feeling until it feels wonderful, like it’s really already yours. Obsess about it; think about it over and over as if it’s part of your reality.

And every time you start to think of the opposite, the fact that you don’t yet have this thing you’re thinking of, then focus back on feeling what it’s like to have it right now. Often people wish for something and work for it but keep telling themselves it’s just not going to happen and guess what, it never does. Author Richard Bach said argue for your limitations (or lack)and you get to keep them!

Research says we can create from our imagination. Reality is in the eye of the beholder, and as a matter of fact everyone who is reading this right now has a different reality, what you think is possible, what you don’t think can happen, etc.

I promise it’s not possible to have what we want unless we can stay focused on the positive aspects of bringing it into our lives. And when we do we join all the others who have created what they wanted, even when others said it couldn’t happen. Most of what I’ve done in life has happened after others told me it was impossible, it couldn’t happen. Of course that was only their opinions, not my reality.

Einstein said imagination is more important than knowledge. Therefore if we just focus on what’s going on in front of our faces, but not what we want, then we’re going to keep on getting more of what we don’t want . To create something that is not yet in our reality we have to be smart enough to use our imaginations, have a vision of what we want, feel it, and keep it continually present in our minds. To create change is an ongoing process.

Everyone knows we can’t be healthy and vibrant if we deprive our bodies of nourishment or water, but many of us seem to go a long time without any mental nourishment, and then wonder why we feel flat, or sad, or aren’t getting what we want.

We get what we believe, and what we expect. Misery is optional, thank goodness, so our job is to pay attention to where we’re putting our attention. What a great time to change our focus and create what we want. Spring is all about rebirth, growth and abundance. Remember to stay focused on what you want and don’t worry about trying, it’s all about relaxing and allowing! And by the way, have fun in the process!

 

Quick, Name a Three-Letter Word to Make You More Successful!

Online shoe and apparel company, Zappos, has as one of its core values “to create fun and a little weirdness!” Their family culture is all about encouraging employees to be themselves and have fun on the job. Southwest Airlines hires on three things according to a former CEO: the individual’s enthusiasm, attitude and sense of humor.  Pixar Studios encourages employees to decorate their offices as they’d like and dress in ways that make them feel comfortable. One employee said the only “suits” you see here are the visitors!

What do all these companies have in common? An awareness of the importance of joy, and that creating a sense of fun and confidence can be a pretty serious thing. Joy breeds confidence, high morale, tolerance and …drum roll, productivity, creativity and a variety of other things that impact the bottom line.

People need to feel hopeful, acknowledged and heard. If you are in your place of confidence, and can reach people from this perspective, then you’re already a winner. Spreading your sense of joy to others goes along with what Maya Angelou said when she reminded us that people will forget what we said and what we did, but never how we made them feel.

So if I may, I’d like to challenge you to make a list of your top 10 ways to be joyous this week, and then get others involved. Your list could include being appreciative, smiling more,  making a commitment to focus on the good only, or laugh for no reason; remember adults laugh less than eight times a day, kids more than 300! Adding joy helps with stress, illness and is a wonderful tonic for age and health. So wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, chose to make it joyous and remember TGIT: Thank God It’s Today!

PS

Be looking for an invitation coming soon on a great workshop: If You Want to Set the World on Fire, Make Sure Your Matches are Lit! I’m leading, along with Patsy Foxworth, on April 20^th.

And more news will follow on a new partnership I’ve formed with Dr. Noel Osborn. We’ve created a series of programs based on the Magic of Leadership, a breakthrough approach to leadership that analyzes the principle effects of magic and how they inspire others to be effective leaders, change cultures and increase profitability. For more information go to my website: www.magiccomm.com or www.teaminternational.net.

 

Can You Hear Me? Are You Listening?

Ralph Waldo Emerson’s said, “What you are doing speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying”? George Bernard Shaw’s said “The biggest problem with communication is the illusion it has taken place.” Listening is supposed to be easy. It’s all about not talking and hearing what is being said, but recent research says we forget 70% of what we hear within 24 hours, and that’s a lot of forgetting!

So how can we listen better? And how can we pass on listening tips to those who work for us or live with us?

First let’s look at how can we truly listen more effectively to retain more information and get to the core of the speaker’s message, and second how can we induce others to hear us?

Let’s start with what appears to be easy—how can we listen more effectively?

• First, avoid judging. Whether it’s the person you don’t like, the message he’s delivering or the philosophy (his different political affiliation as an example), work on hearing the message without the bias. I heard something the other day that really seemed to hit home (since I can be pretty judgmental), and I vowed to use it when the judgmental part of me rises up and tries to rule the situation. Here it is:

            “If you knew the history of those you would like to punish, you would find enough sorrow to disarm your hostility.”

• Ask yourself what you want to get out of this conversation. Is it a quick minute conversation and you just want someone to remember your name, as in great networking? Remember great listeners are perceived to be great conversationalists. Or are you listening to digest facts to report at the next board meeting? Whatever reason you’re listening be sure and listen as if you had to repeat back without taking notes, listen as if you couldn’t interrupt (you’ve lost your voice), or listen as if you have to tell someone/teach someone what you just heard.

• Remember we hear what we want to hear. I sat in on a wonderful American Management Association seminar recently and heard this story: Two men were walking in traffic. The first said, “Listen to that cricket.”The other man said, “How can you hear that?” The first man (a zoologist who was trained to hear nature) said nothing. But he let a coin fall to the sidewalk and a dozen people looked around. He turned to his companion and said “We hear what we’re listening for.”

So how do we get others to hear what we want them to listen for?

Here’s a clue: we listen to people we A. like, B. trust C. have something in common with.

Some of the more subtle things to create better listening scenarios include using two miracle words that we all learned in kindergarten (recent research says one company increased profits 31% in nine months by using these words). The words: Please and Thank You!

• Other techniques are to pay attention to the mannerisms of the individual you want to listen, including body language, tone of voice and gestures, and mirror back the similarities. People like to see mirror images of themselves, even on a subconscious level, small subtleties that reflect the individual.  Here’s a quick example. If you tend to talk fast with gusto and gestures, but you are speaking with someone who is a slower, quiet conversationalist who leans forward when speaking, change your approach.

• Find a commonality. We bond with people who also are Democrats (or Republicans) or Methodists or who have kids in soccer or march for animal causes, or lived in the northeast. Maybe you both are for, or against the policy changes to be brought up in tomorrow’s sales meeting; that’s a hook, a common idea to hang your conversation on.

• Create trust. Trust comes from authenticity, from living up to what you are saying and being open to criticism or disagreements. The safer others feel to disagree and voice opinions, the more honest dialogue you’ll get. Keep in mind you want to plan at the beginning of the conversation what you want the other person to know, to feel and to do. It will keep you on course and focused.

Few believe listening is easy. But the more we realize the psychological complexities behind listening and the simplicity of paying attention to what is said, the more effective we’ll be.

 

Let’s Make 2012 a Lucky Year!

Despite what the Mayans may (or may not) have thought about the stability of life in 2012, it would seem the beginning of this year offers a great opportunity to create our own luck, and to make this our luckiest year yet!

Let’s look back on this year when December rolls back around and marvel at our blessings, get excited about all the opportunities that have come our way, and realize just how lucky we have been all throughout the year.

Abe Lincoln might have said people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be, but he didn’t give us the template to make 2012 rich with good fortune. So let’s look at some of the “absolutes” we need to turn 2012 into a year to be remembered!

• Everything we “must” do needs to be reworded, and appreciated. Example: I “must” get up to go to work even though it’s going to be a very challenging day. The rewording is: I am so grateful I get to get up to go to work when so many don’t have a job; I am blessed. Get the idea?

•  Choose that you will be happy, that no one (not boss, neighbor, spouse, friend, doctor or accountant with bad news) will rob you of your happiness. Don’t let anyone or anything  steal your joy today. It’s never about what others are doing, it’s always about us choosing to not let whatever is happening  take our happiness away. Our motto for the day should be TGIT (Thank Goodness It’s Today)! This means if you’re feeling justifiably lousy you act happy anyway, act “as if.” Get up and compliment someone or smile or find a way to make someone else a bit happier. Joy boomerangs, it’s contagious!

• Remember the power of your imagination. “Lucky” players in Las Vegas believe a special coin or hat or day of the week means  luck will come their way, and it often does. New research (this is truly hard to believe) confirms that people taking placebos, who were told  they were taking only placebos in lieu of medicine, still had improved health. It was Einstein who said imagination is more powerful than knowledge, so imagine your day as you want it to be. Feel the energy and power of denying what the world says you ought to say or do, and watch your luck begin to change!

• Finally be aware of the magic of Emotional Intelligence. There are many highly educated individuals who live in a perpetual state of frustration or disappointment because others are not living up to their expectations. Emotional Intelligence reminds us not to wait for someone to smile or behave the way we think they should (and besides, exactly who made us king and queen of others’ behavior anyway?). Instead realize one of the principles of Emotional Intelligence (I’ll be talking about this all year) is to control our emotions. There will always be people who want to push our buttons, but we can learn how to make sure those buttons malfunction, that we never react! Be aware of what used to set you off, frustrate you or cause you to lose control, and find the mindset to let it pass. To say you have no control over your emotions is kind of like saying you have no control over when you cross the street. Sometimes you might feel like crossing when traffic is coming, sometimes when it’s safe. Same analogy!

Of course you choose to cross when it’ safe and of course you choose how to react. Decide to see the experience differently, imagine you’d get $1000 every time you laughed instead of reacted negatively, hear carnival music when the emotion starts to take over, or any other approach that works.

How fortunate we have the knowledge and the brains to choose how happy we’re going to be in 2012…we truly are the lucky ones!

I’d love to hear from you on just how lucky you were this month!